Powerful Medicine

After last night’s class, it was never more evident of the Divine stepping up, and teaching through Shunyaji what might have been concealed and needed to be revealed to me. I had shared in our pod how I felt the divine steered me to a relative’s house on a mundane task.  Once there I learned of symptoms that my brother-in-law, Dan’s partner, Chuck, who I have always felt close to, was experiencing and I suggested that he take his partner to the emergency room of St Joe’s Hospital. I knew from my experience with my late husband’s brain cancer that it was a research hospital with advance equipment and diagnostic ability far above the local hospitals. Idam na mama.

Two days later he called me back to let me know that an inoperable, aggressive cancerous brain tumor had been discovered.  They immediately started aggressive rounds of radiation and chemotherapy in hopes of shrinking the tumor and giving Chuck more time.   Now, the divine has asked me to step up with this opportunity to practice Karma Yoga, step-by-step from what I have learned, however, the Divine sees fit. Deep cleaning their house, watering their plants, taking a sick dog to the vet, researching a wheelchair to buy, contacting Hospice and deeply listening as decisions are made and as Shunyaji said – take the personal wants, opinions, desires out of the picture.  It is not what I think is best, not what I might do but to just listen to what their choices are and ask how I can support them.  I just sit with Chuck and look deeply in his eyes, hold his hand and see that he is processing this new direction his life is taking. Idam na mama.

It was taking its toll on me with so many thoughts of my own, the shock of the news, my mind spinning memories, what ifs of different scenarios and possibilities.  These are the Rajas that were pointed out last night that exhaust the nervous system, the doership that burns you out, where there is no room to say- Idam na mama.  I listened deeply last night and will listen again and again as I try to integrate this knowledge.  I have to. The body doesn’t lie.  I’ve always had low blood pressure and now suddenly it high, 144/87.  I could feel my heart pounding lying in bed, waking up in the morning and I knew that something was off with me.

I deeply listened last night and it was revealed to me that within me the Gunas were running the show here. And I heard, the gunas act and you are merely the witness, step back from your own mind and look at it. Perceive, recognize what you have to do and act and then decide what is best for the higher good, serving the divine order and serve the higher Self. Step back from the contents of your own mind, to do right action for the greater good, divine order, from a detached place….Don’t get caught up in any of, hand over your doership to Ma Gita.   There was so much more wisdom – a true prescription for what ails me, that I will have to review.

And then the gift of the meditation for Atma Bodhi.  I did this meditation this morning after my morning prayers and blessings.  My blood pressure after the meditation – 113/80, pulse 60.  Idam na Mama.

With deep gratitude, Jai Maa, Jai Guru Dev.