Ishvara steps into the pause
Jai Maa students, Sadhvis, Acharya
I just listened to last week's karma yoga review with Sadhvi Ishani. Thank you so much for clarifying so beautifully Sadhvi Ishani. Thank you to those who shared and asked questions.
I wanted to share a recent experience. I had an interaction with my daughter - the same thing has happened so many times - I make a request, she gets angry, I feel hurt and she tells me what I'm doing that is wrong.
I walked away, but this time I very consciously offered it all to Ishvara. The hurt mostly. I said I have no idea what to do with this. Please show me the truth.
It took a few hours and some burn, but suddenly I saw how I had acted. I saw what my daughter has been trying to tell me for so long. I didn't see it from a place of shame or guilt, but of understanding completely seperated from the victim I have felt myself to be in these situations for so many years.
I saw my part. I saw the pressure I was putting on her. I saw that I was all wrapped up in me and what I wanted.
A day or so later I sent her a message and told her I didn't realize I was doing what she said, but after some thought I saw it clearly.
And do you know what happened? She thanked me and then explained how she was feeling overwhelmed (a mother of 2, who home schools, supports the family financially, organizes the kids) and could only focus on one thing at a time.
I have wanted for so long for her to talk to me and explain how she is feeling, but of course she never felt safe in this kind of instance to do that, until I saw my part.
This is a puzzle I have tried for years to understand. It is these practices of Karma Yoga - discerning, offering and not expecting any particular result that have allowed my ego to melt away enough for something different to happen.
It is as Shunyaji says, when we step toward the Divine, the Divine takes care of us.
Now I understand and will not do unintentional harm to my daughter anymore.
It shows me how these teachings really do melt the ego. We have to be willing. I had to step back and let go of feeling justified in feeling not seen, not cared about. It burns a bit, but living inside the purification that happened is such a relief that the burn was totally worth it and I am set free in a way that I can tell is (at least in these instances) forever!
As Sadhvi Aparna taught us in the Sadhana class, it is an inside job!
It is the knowledge of the Vedas that sets us free. I feel I have, in this instance, received true unadulterated knowledge about myself. I'm so grateful that with the Sadhana of coming to hear these teachings and practicing what is given to us from the Vedas through our teacher, Shunyaji and the Sadhvis that I have received this gift of freedom from Ishvara!
This Divine orchestration came through me from Ishavara and since then I have been so much more relaxed. I have had so much less anxiety. I have been able to be and enjoy in a way I have not before. This shift has been happening slowly through this year of Karma Yoga study, but this moment was an unequivacol shift to a different perspective.
I hope this gives hope to others, as I know that we are all navigating this human life and probably are or have in the past created our own suffering, unbeknownst to ourselves.
Jai Maa, Jai Guru Dev
Jai Maa, Anne! There are so many gems of wisdom in your beautiful share that I’m deeply contemplating.
Where your triggers are, there is your task. You knew the repeating patterns and reoccurring themes, that same old loop, signaling your biggest fears were being shown you so you could grow.
And, you showed up in a new way by stepping back, releasing the issue to Ishvara, and in turn releasing yourself from your own imprisonment of feeling smaller and a slave to your false ideas.
If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get the same results. So, you chose with discernment to do something different. This was an inspiring read of your Shradda; being bold and courageous putting the Karma Yoga tools you’ve learned into action. No longer driving asleep at the wheel in safety mode, you are driving with Ishvara on your side as your guide.
Thank you for the inspiration to look at what I’m holding on to that doesn’t serve me. To bring fresh water in the mud in my mind, my clogged heart and silent soul. To offer it all to Ishvara.
Jai Maa, Jai Guru Dev!