When the Sportscar Stopped Working: What Desire Fulfillment Actually Teaches Us

When I was 16 years old, my grandmother unexpectedly gave me the keys to her old but impeccably maintained 1985 Nissan 300ZX sports car. My heart burst open with joy on so many levels in that moment:

I never imagined that I would be a teenager with a car, and now here I was, the owner of one that looked like something the cool kid in an 80s movie would drive.

I also knew what this car symbolized for my grandmother and felt deeply touched that she thought I was worthy of the gift. She was a mother of 5 children, devoted herself to caring for others, and overcame substantial life obstacles. This car was the first big thing she bought for herself after the kids grew up and she started her career. It was probably the first big material gift she gave herself.

My grandmother was handing over to me something that was so much more than a car. It was wrapped up with freedom, trust, and self-value.

At that moment when she placed the keys in my palm, my mind went completely still. There was no wanting, no scheming, no worry—just pure, expansive joy.

When Desire Meets Fulfillment

Advaita Vedanta explains to us that when we have a desire, and it gets fulfilled, we experience real bliss. In the ‘How to Be Happy’ satsanga series, Acharya Shunya describes a cycle where the mind, restlessly seeking happiness outside, sometimes actually achieves what it wants, and in that moment of achievement, it relaxes and calms. In that temporary silence that happens right after we fulfill a desire, the non-grasping mind is able to experience our deeper nature of bliss and objectless happiness.

The Atma, the deepest Self, is ever-present and is itself the source of happiness. But we often don't experience it amidst all the activity and chasing of desires that keep the mind busy. 

This car gave me that temporary bliss. My mind was paralyzed by the good fortune and the emotional significance of the gift. It stopped chasing, and I felt simply sublime.

And like most of us do, I unconsciously concluded that the car itself was the source of my happiness; that if I could just keep it pristine and hold onto it forever, I could keep that feeling alive.

For a while, the car lived up to all of the heady dreams and blissful pleasures.

Then the Inevitable Shift Happened

Advaita Vedanta beautifully and clearly states what happens next, too.

After we achieve a desire, we get that temporary relief and satisfaction, but then new problems arise. Sometimes we become anxious about losing the thing and start scheming to protect it forever. Sometimes the object actually breaks or leaves us, and we feel the pain of separation. And sometimes, maybe most mysteriously, it just loses its shine and stops giving us the same pleasure it once did. No matter which path it takes, that which once brought pleasure eventually becomes entangled with pain.

Sure enough, it happened to me too.

Eventually, I realized you had to spend money to put gas in a car and get its oil changed, which was a drag. When I gave in to teenage laziness and didn't regularly oil the seats like she had meticulously done every week, the upholstery started to crack. Suddenly, the gift that had made me feel so valued now made me feel guilty, ashamed, and unworthy of having neglected something so precious to her. What was once a source of bliss turned out to have practical costs and uncomfortable emotional entanglements.

That car is an old memory now. A few years after going to college, we decided to donate it to a nonprofit. 

What the Cycle Taught Me

I didn't know it then, but the experience gave me a visceral and lasting teaching. The cycle was complete: desire, fulfillment, temporary bliss, inevitable loss. I quickly realized that no matter how euphoric a moment of satisfaction and desire fulfillment may be, it eventually comes with its opposites. Not only did that car get me to band practice and summer jobs, it also tempered my heart to know that even the good things pass. We can savor them, be grateful for them, but hold them a little lightly, knowing they will not last. And perhaps, if we pay close attention, we might notice that the happiness we're chasing was inside us all along. 

The nature of happiness, the relentless cycle of desires we go through, and what we can do to experience lasting happiness that comes from our deepest Self are the topic of the “How to Be Happy” satsangas that Acharya Shunya taught in 2013. We explored these across four sessions inside of the Vedic Study Circle. Join the no-fee, donation-supported study platform to access this series.